it's slightly hard to do a comprehensive review without my good headphones, but you have done well, your track is very industrial, it feels a little void at times which is fine since you seem to be aiming at a more relaxed slow pace track. perhaps a little mixing and making it 30 seconds longer and you will have a 5 star track. right around 0:15 to 0:45 is where i really enjoyed it, the rest of the song is just kind of 'meh' for me. i hope this review helps.